The Stanford Inn by the Sea - Eco-Lodge & Retreat Center

We advertise in VegNews Magazine which advocates a vegan lifestyle. Sometimes our association with VegNews is a source of problems for some of their readers. Our guests and potential guests should know that the Inn reflects that we have not been vegan our entire lives.

Last week, spurred by one of their readers, a staff member of VegNews called to ask if we could remove down products for those readers who are vegan. “Of course!” we answered. But this brings us to an essential issue: what to do with existing animal products once we decided to not buy such products.

We believe it is irresponsible to not completely use the products we already have. It is difficult and unethical to just trash clean and still useful down pillows, comforters and feather beds. (We wash and dry them in our equipment.)

Destroying feather beds and down products does not enhance the life of any animal. In fact it denigrates their lives even more. We have chosen to continue to use these products until replacing them due to wear or until we give them to staff to use them in their homes.

Adhering to a philosophy to the extent that it trivializes the gifts of animals to our lives is just wrong.

It is one our coldest nights this year, it’s late and two raccoons, a mother and her baby, who visit every night, are watching us - or that is our dogs, Gypsy and Murphy who are intently watching them. The stare-off reminds us of our love for animals. We contribute to their wellbeing by not in anyway supporting feed lots, piggeries, over fishing and so on. We eat a whole foods, plant based diet.

It occurs to us this winter solstice that “keeping Christmas” is perhaps easier for us because each day we have to think about what we eat – particularly if we are traveling. Thinking about what we eat reminds us of our commitment to other species; our commitment to supporting sustainable agriculture and it reminds us of our hypocrisy - we wear leather on our feet and leather around our waists. We are not offering you righteousness: Jeff is often angry, blundering into the others’ feelings. But we are offering our experience – that eating kindly benefits us in ways we never imagined. We have more energy than others much younger, we feel energy moving through us, we feel connected to this wonderful earth and we have taken it for granted. We simply have had no need to announce these experiences. Until now.

Now we know that our way of eating has unanticipated benefits from reducing global warming and pollution to averting chronic diseases. With regard to chronic disease, check out http://drmcdougall.com/. John McDougall is a leader in treating a variety of chronic diseases with diet. If you know someone with MS, you might check out Dr. Roy Swank's site at http://www.swankmsdiet.org/ and for specific recommendations regarding heat disease, check out Dr. Caldwell Esselstyn's site http://www.heartattackproof.com/. All three doctors share a passion for healing and found that the methods they had learned often failed to treat more than symptoms. They sought to reverse disease and increase vitality. Although the Dr. Swank and Dr. Esselstyn are now retired, Dr. McDougall continues his practice in Santa Rosa, California.

Follow this blog for additional information regarding the reduction of carbon dioxide and carbon dioxide equivalents by adoption of a vegan, whole foods diet.

Staff at the Humane Society in Burlington, Iowa had a problem – a litter of kittens without a mother. Lily, a Labrador cross, whose puppies had been adopted was still lactating. The Humane Society placed the kittens with Lily who nursed them. Adopting them, Lily cleaned and protected her new charges.

Steve Hartman in Assignment America on CBS Evening News (5/9/08) reported Lily’s story and noted other exceptional relationships: a mother cat who offered an orphaned fawn to join her litter, a goat who adopted a colt and most remarkable of all, National Geographic filmed a leopard adopting a baby baboon after killing its mother for a meal. The leopard stretched out and nursed the baby.

These stories demonstrate the incredible power of the instinct to nurture. It is the same instinct thwarted in even the most “humane” dairies, where cows are not allowed to nurse their calves after birthing them.

Perhaps all of us might choose to nurture others.

I am a minister in the Universal Church of the Master (UCM), a Christian church whose members believe that the spirituality and mastery of Jesus, through training, meditation, discipline can be to some degree expressed by ordinary human beings. Each of us is capable of great service to others - of great love. It is therefore no surprise that UCM ministers embrace the concept of marriage by two people regardless of their sex.

Specifically, "UCM was founded in 1908 as a church in which members are encouraged to develop and exercise their spiritual powers. We discourage adherence to rigid dogmas and tenets, believing that each person must find and travel his/her own path in the Light, and that no single set of fixed rules is applicable to everyone in their spiritual quest." http://www.u-c-m.org/new/about.php

I have been willing to join in marriage any two people who love one another. Last fall two fantastic women came to me to be joined in marriage the next year, October, 2008. Each of these women in their professions served others in their work: they were loving, exceptional people. For whatever reason, we lost contact with them. Then the California Supreme Court decided that same sex marriages were essentially "constitutional" and shortly thereafter two women, a physician and a systems engineer called from Pennsylvania to ask that I preside over their elopement. On the second day following the "legalization" of same sex marriages, I officiated their marriage with one of our staff photographing the event and serving as the witness.

The ceremony was in Mancha's Garden under the wedding pergola. There were just the four of us, Amelia and Livia from Pennsylvania, Jill who coordinates weddings for the Inn, and me. Amelia and Livia were very much moved by the ceremony. They cried in celebration of their relationship. The energy from their official marriage was palpable, joyful and overwhelming sweeping Jill and me into its joyfulness.

I had never experienced any two people embrace their marriage with such joy. I have married many couples, more than a few who just had chosen to "make it official," or "decided to have children,' or "wanted to celebrate their living together with a wedding." These weddings have been joyful, tearful and moving. But the heterosexual couples could choose whether or not to marry. Two women or two men prior to the California Supreme Court's decision could not choose marriage except in Massachusetts - and that is a huge difference. Livia and Amelia's joy is that of an explosive release, of the achievement and a recognition not possible before.

I am using this blog to thank Amelia and Livia - two beautiful people now joined in marriage who taught me so much. I wish you a wonderful, happy and very long life together. Thank you, Reverend Jeff Stanford

"It's a matter of opinion!"

"No it's not opinion! It is a matter of life and death. Death is a fact: it's real. Suffering's real!"

"Well, it's a matter of opinion!"

Three women were in the lobby, two of them proud of their work in sustainable water use.

I said, "There's no greater sustainable action that one person can take than being vegan."

I had no idea what any of them eat. In fact, I knew who they were visiting - a vegan friend of our son.

I had no desire to discuss veganism - I assumed that they were literally living sustainably - for that was their passion.

But the tall one said, "There have to be options!" I didn't know what she was talking about.

"Options?"

"Yeah, options: A middle way!"

"But there's no sustainable middle way," I replied. "And what about the animals?"

"Everybody has a right to their own opinion," another one said, and began walking out of the building.

"Death is not an opinion. Suffering is not an opinion! Death is death! How is that an opinion?!!"

She walked out muttering, "Everyone can have an opinion," unwilling to discuss the issue of her opinion regarding the death of another being.

What I wanted to tell her is that everyone is entitled to opine about what ever they want. But do they have the right to take the life of another being - directly or indirectly? Do they have the right to cause suffering? How do they condemn others for polluting water when they eat meat? Check it out: the greatest source of water polution is the meat industry - the huge pig farms, feed lots, and chicken ranches.

I wanted her to know that it was her choice, not her opinion. I wanted her to know that choice was there, acknowledged or not. And I wanted her to take responsibility for her choice - just simply saying, "I choose to eat animals." It is not an opinion and it is not something that just happens to her. We have to eat and we can choose. This is all about the nature of our existence, of her existence. Choice is an essential aspect of what we are: We are "choosers" and we must acknowledge choice.

Recognizing that we make choices and that each of us is responsible for the choices we make is so difficult for some of us. But it is so necessary - and it's liberating. To look at your own life and grab it making decisions and rejoicing in your ability to choose - this is the nature being human! To hide from our existential nature is also within our nature, but somehow, somewhere we know deeply that we are flawed . And it is liberating to move toward wholeness.

Finally, recognizing that we choose and acknowledging our responsibility for choice is a movement of meditation. It is mindfulness.

It is a month since I last wrote - a long, eventful month. We have been busy with a variety projects. One of the newest is the creation of the Mendocino Center.

Here's an introduction:

- Mendocino is a natural center for healing. For generations, people have come to Mendocino for its breathtaking natural beauty, organic food and wine...and ultimately the powerful energy and resources for wellness that energize people to renew their lives.

We came to Mendocino to do innkeeping, looking on it as a family business which could provide a living in one of the most beautiful places in the world. But we got more than we expected. The land changed us: we realized that we could live more gently. Loving animals, we quit eating them. We adopted sustainable practices for landscaping and in areas that had been neglected, we created edible, organic gardens; and we adopted other vocations. Joan commuted to Sonoma State to become first a Montessori instructor and later a board certified art therapist. I became involved in energy work - earth and human - and later was ordained a minister. In the meantime, we sought to create a context for visitors to experience what we experienced here as well as offer wellness services.

We began health supporting therapeutic massage and yoga in 1991. In 1996, Jack Schwarz founder of the human potential movement in the United States brought Aletheia Institute to the Inn. Jack was a healer, philosopher, naturopath, and educator who sought the integration of body, brain/mind and spirit. Jack was an exceptional human being who passed-on in 2000. Since then we have continued to seek to provide residents and our guests a central base for all things oriented to wellness. Now we are working with the best minds and talent in medical, alternative and spiritual healing in Mendocino to expand this vision.

Mendocino Center is the working name for this group of local practitioners of life enhancing programs: tai chi, Chinese herbal medicine, breath work, art exploration, acupuncture, yoga, energy medicine, massage, community ritual as well as traditional medicinal practices such as psychiatry, allopathic medicine, and much more. These practitioners do not necessarily practice here. For example, Cathy Van Camp offers Watsu (aquatic) massage five miles from the Inn. Ron and Toni Nadeau operate Spirit House, a center for environmental, community and personal ritual between Mendocino and Fort Bragg.

Mendocino Center has two components - the clinical practice of the individual practitioners and their wellness practices designed to enhance and enliven life for individuals who are looking for experience in practices from art expression to yoga. At the Inn we are concerned with the second - life enhancement. Since many of the individual programs are located on the property guests have an opportunity to experience programs that enhance their lives - increasing their awareness: Programs that are intended to help make one's life more mindful.

More on this later!

I haven't posted consistently but I doubt that anyone reads this.

Writing for myself in a public forum is silly. There are a variety of topics besides our smooth collie mix's experience with cancer that I believed were worth exploring from "mindfulness" that I believe underlies eco-tourism to specific commentary regarding such events as Halloween's Dia de los Muertes.

In any case, I will write occasionally, exploring subjects that aren't personal but that I feel might be interesting to someone other than myself. For years, I have kept a journal and I will continue to use it for those topics that are personal, close to my heart, those having to do with family and the energy work that I do. By the way, energy work is not necessarily special. We all do energy work: we do energy work every time we focus on something, work on something. Wherever we put our attention, energy flows. The more focused, the more energy. The greater one's excitement about whatever it is that he or she is attending to, for example, the work that one does, the more powerful the energy. Using electromagnetic waves as an analogy, healing energy can be said to be within a specific frequency range - and the amplitude is the power behind the frequency. Amplitude is the voltage. Like our electic power which operates at 60 hertz - cycles per second. The voltage could 12, 120, 240 volts. Amplitude is a measure of excitement.

An interesting aspect of amplitude in energy work is that one cannot willfully power-up. Excitement in healing is much more subtle than, say, being excited to be able to play in a baseball game and therefore swinging the bat harder. In healing, one can be excited about the work but the amplitude may not be exceptionally high - one might be working at 12 volts. How does one power-up? Through caring, through love - this is a special excitement. Care raises voltage, raises it significantly. The care that I am writing about is not about the healer. It is about the being - it is not, for example, about wanting to heal a pet so that he can remain in one's life. It is wanting to help heal a dog, a friend, someone else's friend, an unknown person. The connection necessary is only that someone cares to ask for help. That is all it is. And it is helpful to not need to succeed for any being other than that person, that dog, that situation, that whatever that needs to function better, that needs healing. Specifically, the outcome is not about the intermediary - the so called healer - whether or not he or she is successful.

Until another time.

To avoid disease and middle age weight gain, David Noonan adopted the 28 day program in The Engine 2 Diet: The Texas Firefighter's 28-Day Save-Your-Life Plan That Lowers Cholesterol and Burns Away the Pounds. The diet was developed by Rip Esselstyn to help his fellow firefighter adopt a vegan whole foods diet. Esselstyn has been vegan for more than 20 years and is an athlete and son of Dr. Caldwell Esselstyn, of the Cleveland Clinic, who has long advocated vegan diets for prevention of disease. (Check out Rip Esselstyn's web site http://www.theengine2diet.com/)

Eating a vegan whole foods diet is a credible way to avoid weight gain and disease. Noonan's conversion is hopeful and perhaps he can affect other people. But this happy development may disintegrate like Oprah's brief foray into veganism providing a hiccup in her climb to 200 pounds.

I have noticed a distinct tendency by many people to be self destructive. Whatever diet they try, they go off it. I know this is true - it is true of me. But years ago I realized that I could not kill an animal for food and that it was not ethical to ask another person to do that for me (which made me sort of like a vulture or hyena). I became vegan to avoid adding to animals' suffering. I did it for myself in the sense that I wanted to avoid feeling guilty. I am vegan because I love animals. This is a diet I have stayed on because it isn't just for me! If it was for my health or to lose weight, I more than likely would have given up on it after a few months - like a former cigarette smoker trying just one and starting again.

For Noonan's article check out this link http://www.newsweek.com/id/189291 .

I am sitting in what my kids as teenagers characterized as a dumpy, stinky cottage. It's raining. The kitchen is warm and bright. The phone doesn't work and there's no internet and I am writing this blog in Word to paste it later when the phone lines are whole again.

We were just speaking at the "breakfast table" (almost like "real" folks from a black and white movie from the black and white period before we were born) that some close friends never seem happy. These friends always speak about what is missing in their lives, what they want and usually where they would rather be. And what they want is similar from person to person varying in time and intensity and order -

A sexual partner
A new sexual partner
A new country in which to live and love
A new job
A new home
More money
The return of a loved-on
The opportunity to farm, to ranch, to become a gentleperson farmer
Their own business
To love ("I've smoked (pot) so much that I don't think I can ever love her")
To be loved
in essence
To be where happiness is!

(There's a guy in a yellow rain suit raising himself at the end of boom to our telephone lines. Maybe we will soon have telephone and internet again!)

If I say anything to someone about their transparent unhappiness, I am deemed an authority on happiness and therefore know nothing about their unhappiness. We have the Inn; we have people working for us. We live in one of the most beautiful places in the world, and so on. It is interesting - the people about whom I am writing include some in Mendocino, with jobs and apparent job security, surrounded by people who care for and love them.

I can tell you that we didn't start with an inn, employees. We didn't even start at 3rd base, which is code for someone born into money and privilege, I recently learned. Certainly our parents did well, but they weren't privileged. They worked to get where they were. And as far as we know they worried little about their own happiness. Joan's dad was the son of immigrants to Canada and his father was very ill for an extended period and died when her dad was only 15 or 16 with three younger brothers to worry about. Joan's mom had deeper Canadian roots but there was no great prosperity - her dad was a hotel engineer, what we call the head of maintenance at the Inn. My dad immigrated to the United States leaving behind a country and family devastated by the Great Depression. Both of our fathers worked and neither complained about their work. Both of our moms kept their houses and were involved in their communities in volunteer work, in our schools, in social activities such as bridge clubs and in hauling their children from one activity to another.

I know that we worked without concern about whether or not we were happy. We had and have purpose - to live, work and express our spirituality in a single context. In a way our lives are an application of principles gleaned from my years in anthropology. But the last thing that I was concerned with was happiness. There was and is too much to learn, too much to do, too much to live. We wanted our kids to see us work with joy - I wanted work integrated in LIVING. We wanted to help people and providing opportunities for people to express themselves has been a blessing. We have had to deal with ill health of parents, animals, friends - and through all of it we did not dwell on what change would make us happier. It wasn't a focus of any of our thoughts or conversations.

The Chinese concept of "joy" - kuài lè - is a state characterized by inner peace and happiness through appreciating the gifts in our lives. Joy in action is simply embracing our lives. In Western parlance it is "counting one's blessings" - taking stock - and then moving on in life - in living.

I never spoke with my parents regarding "happiness." I didn't talk to them about whether or not they wanted to live in another country - they had been through the Great Depression and WWII and implicitly I understood that they would move within the USA but never leave it. I don't know whether they "loved their lives" but I do know that my mom sought out and enjoyed her friends and my father sought out spiritual teachers and enjoyed his practices.

Back to our unsatisfied friends: I suspect that they do not truly acknowledge and deep;ly appreciate what they already have - embrace it all - as in kuài lè - JOY! Until they do, perhaps they will never truly know what gifts they have and what a gift they are to others. Pining always for something else, for someone else, for some other experience, for some other place, they may never know where they are. They look at the emptiness at the top of the proverbial half full glass and fail to enjoy the water - the elixir of life - in the lower half.

Finally, both Alex and Kate, now in their twenties appreciate the values of cottage life on the western shores of Lake Winnipeg. There's family here and much more - nature is so incredible and present. There's not a square inch that is not a rock or road that doesn't have something growing from it. Manitoba is Joy.

Where else can it be?

In my last writing I noted the explosion of life in Manitoba - here's a field of canola:

And here are Dana's gardens at the Stanford Inn - she planted wildflowers, where last was a 4-H project - now in summer hiatus.

Nature in explosions of color is happiness. And nature is in continuous change - which is what I wrote about earlier in "The Weather". And embracing change, which is our very nature, is embracing our life and for the I Ching's "superior" man (or woman) leads to success/happiness. But the I Ching guidance is far stronger - embracing our lives is success. And sometimes one has to cross the great river to get to that realization - to that success. We are lucky. Here, in Matlock, the great river is the Red River and in Mendocino it is the Big River. So near and so meaningful.

I am on "vacation" and my ordinary days are broken by this interval which allows time to contemplate the nature of life and in particular the nature of my own life. Everything is "grist" for this mill of contemplation. And what I notice is that this process is identical to that 35 years ago in this very place.

I go away from home to come home. It doesn't have to be Matlock. It can be in a hotel in Scottsdale or Phoenix during a break with Alex to catch a few of the Giant's spring training games. Or, I don't have to leave at all - there is the mental space of the morning in our own bedroom in the Barn after Joan has gone down to feed Murphy - while Gypsy waits for me before getting-up.

These moments are precious and they are bracing, or embracing. And here is joy.

Our daughter forwarded us an editorial in The New York Times on juvenile justice in the United States "12 and in Prison" that notes that trying juveniles as adults is "terrible public policy." Children sentenced as adults are more likely to become repeat violent offenders and The New York Times calls for Congress to cause the States "to simply end these inhumane practices to be eligible for federal juvenile justice funds." The editorial could more simply advocate putting "justice" back into the nation's juvenile justice system.

This summer our daughter, a law student at New York University, interned in New Orleans helping represent children caught in the city's juvenile justice system. Some of the stories she tells are horrendous - there's a culture of violence in New Orleans that is difficult to understand and accept. Kids have access to guns; young teenagers steal cars, sell drugs, commit armed robberies, and worse. Police stop children without apparent cause. They use vehicles to knock kids off their bikes - bikes are often used as getaway vehicles. There are horrible stories and there are two sides. But what I got from her stories is that the kids do not expect justice and have an attitude that what they do doesn't matter because they will be hassled anyway and the police, in a similar mind-set, suspect that most children in certain areas are engaged in some criminal activity.

Kate believes in Justice with a capital "J" and she did not go to New Orleans with a mindset that the justice system is broken. She was however in the midst of it and I wasn't happy that she saw the underside of American Life. It sucks, to put it bluntly. It is sad that lives are lost either literally or figuratively.

In its op-ed, The New York Times sites a study by Michele Deitch of the LBJ School of Public Affairs at The University of Texas at Austin From Time Out to Hard Time - Young Children in the Adult Criminal Justice System. Deitch begins her study with the case of pre-teen Christopher Pittman who suffered from depression and was placed on Paxil. When his doctor ran out of the drug, the doctor gave a sample package of Zoloft. Immediately, relatives noticed a change in behavior. Trying to control the boy, his grandparents, threatened to paddle him. Later Christopher killed them in their sleep with a shotgun that had been a gift from his father and set fire to their house. The South Carolina juvenile justice system tried him as an adult. The case was complex due to the use of Zoloft and this child, who was 12 at the time of the murders and who had no history of delinquency, was sentenced to 30 years in jail with no chance of parole.

In South Carolina as in other states, fighting crime has become political with the result that our justice system is punitive and not reformative. And in many areas the juvenile justice system is nothing more than a juvenile control system.

How do we change all this? Kate knew of the inadequacies of our justice system and she chose to intern at Juvenile Regional Services in New Orleans, an overworked underfunded agency to help defend children caught in the system. In one of the cases she was assigned she was able to do the research, meet with the 14 year old client who was in jail, write arguments and working with the lead attorney, help prove the evidence to be insufficient and tainted. NYU paid her to do this work - about 1/10 the amount many interns receive in our corporate law firms. One case and there's many more. In the case of Christopher Pittman, the University of Texas study notes that "Christopher is believed to be serving the longest sentence in the country, if not the world, for a crime committed at such a young age."

The implications of recent research into the adolescent brain is striking. The American Bar Association's Juvenile Justice System reported in Cruel and Unusual Punishment The Juvenile Death Penalty - Adolescence, Brain Development and Legal Culpability sites research by Elizabeth Sowell, UCLA, that frontal lobe is the last to develop and even though adolescents are fully capable in other areas, they cannot reason as well as adults. The brain continues to develop into the early 20's. The report notes that the frontal lobe governs judgment, impulsivity, future planning, "foresight of consequences," that make people "morally capable" and notes further that "age 21 or 22 would be closer to the 'biological' age of maturity." (Dr. Ruben C. Gur, neuropsychologist and Director of the Brain Behavior Laboratory at the University of Pennsylvania quoted in "Cruel and Unusual Punishment..." )

You can help by supporting organizations such as the Juvenile Justice Project of Louisiana whose mission is "to transform the juvenile justice system into one that builds on the strengths of young people, families and communities in order to instill hope and to ensure children are given the greatest opportunities to grow and thrive."

Stay mindful with regard to justice - advocate for district attorneys and judges who themselves are advocates for juvenile justice, who believe in redemption and are willing to work for it. I am not advocating that we "go easy" - I believe that we must extend a hand that is both firm and fair. Minimally, I advocate for treating children whose minds are not developed as beings in need of our assistance.

The other day, on the way to Winnipeg to pick-up Kate, Joan and I talked about the nature of "happiness."

We began by trying to define happiness. I remembered my work more than 30 years before and that for one to perceive they are happy, they must abide in unhappiness - this is dualism - more specifically the binary nature of knowing, which Alan Watts called "Zero One Amazement" for its power to evoke a peak conscious state. In order for happiness to be explicitly known, we have to know unhappiness. This "unhappiness" is tacit - held within consciousness - and is subjective. In the act of knowing, "happiness" is objectified and in a sense exteriorized.

Thus, if we are happy, are we aware of it? To know happiness is one thing, to be happiness - that is, in a state of happiness, is something entirely different. Simply - happiness exists when we are unaware of it - when we are engaged and present in our life, in whatever we are doing. The paradox is that when we reflect on happiness in the stream of consciousness happiness becomes inextricably tied-to unhappiness. Considerations arise, I am not good enough, this job is beneath me, I am on the wrong track.

Joan and I thought about our friends, particularly those we experience as "happy." We could not remember them mentioning that they were happy. We remebered them talking about the work they do, ideas, the latest research in something that they are interested in. We couldn't remember anyone saying, "Oh, yes! I am happy!" or "I'm a happy camper." But we certainly know others who tell us that they are unhappy and then recite what they are unhappy about and why. We recognized ourselves in both groups - in the "happy" but seemingly unconcerned about happiness camp and the "unhappy" and very much aware of unhappiness camp.

Talking about ourselves we realized that generally we aren't concerned about being happy....we rarely think about it, perhaps because we are busy with the Inn and our extended family. But does that mean that we are happy? And we wondered, what is the state when unconcerned about happiness? Joan explained that she didn't think about happiness: that her experience was engagement in whatever she was doing.

"Doing," is the key. We knew we might become unhappy when we thought about what we were doing. If what we are doing is something we want to do - and others would want us to do, then there's no problem. But when we think about what we are doing and believe we should be doing something else, there is dissonance and its partner unhappiness.

When we think about what we are doing, we can alter the nature of the experience by coming into conflict with it: the conflict arising between what we are doing and what we think we should be doing. The should arises from ideas we have regarding the importance and value of particular activities.

What blocks the experience of happiness is actually thought - thought in regard to assessing one's state. If I ask, is this job good enough for me, am I fulfilling myself, etc., how do I find the answer? I compare what I am doing with what I think I should be doing - based on what my expectations are for myself, or just as likely, what my parents expected, or Joan expects. These expectations are powerful. They are at the core of our identity - not who we really are, but who we think we should be, or our parents, educators, significant others think we should be.

And expectations prevent me from simply embracing my experience. Expectations block happiness. And the most paradoxical expectation is that I must always be happy!

However, expectations are helpful - guiding. We must be mindful of them - aware of their power, their driving force. And we must observe them, as they come to awareness - not judging, condemning, simply seeing them and learning as we do that in the very act of observing we free ourselves from their hold and "self" becomes more vibrant. And we become more spontaneous - acting without conditions, without expectation. It is in this action without condition that love arises. And with love happiness is moot.

Awoke this morning after a very short night (didn't get to bed until 4:00 AM). A raven called out. There were no other birds announcing their presence. I looked out over the pastures - brown and dry, dust rising up from the horses' slow walk to find grass. Mendocino is in the midst of the dry season and our fall-winter-spring visitors, killdeer, robins, redwing black birds, are gone. There are plenty of human visitors escaping inland's heat, exploring the California Coast, and/or just getting away from home, here, now.

Our vacation was wonderful: North America is magnificent - whether the plains relieved only by rivers cutting through the otherwise flat land; grain silos and trees; rolling prairies; mountains; or the coast. We discovered incredible restaurants in unexpected places. For example, a couple of Thai restaurants one in a remodeled KFC in Winnipeg's Osborne district and another in a storefront in a small mall in Billings, Montana were exceptional not only making our list of good restaurants, they are first and second of all Thai restaurants we have experienced from coast to coast.

We kept-up on the news - particularly the debate over health care. Canada's healthcare system is not perfect, but it is being misrepresented. We asked about our friends' experiences and no one had a horror-story - all were appreciative of the care they have received.

For example, in Manitoba, we spent time with a great family - a couple in their mid- thirties with a one year old girl. The father is still recovering from major brain surgery and before that radiation. In 2007 he was diagnosed with a small cell cancer. He almost immediately began radiation treatments at a specialty institution in Toronto, where he doesn't live. He and his family live in Winnipeg. Later he had surgery in Winnipeg and is now going through rehab there. His experience is in stark contrast to the experience claimed by the Ontario woman who had a non-malignant cyst near or perhaps on her optic nerve.

By the way, our friend (and relative) has been out of work for over a year because of the severity of the disease. His wife does work and he is now re-entering the workplace working part time for the company where he was working when he was diagnosed. The point is that the system in Canada provided for his treatment and recovery without bankrupting him and/or his family (his parents who would have helped financially if it had been necessary).

On the other side of the debate, Joan's mom had cataracts. She was not able to arrange to have surgery before her eyesight deteriorated to the point where, first, she didn't believe she saw well enough to drive and, second, she lost confidence that she could see traffic well enough to cross a busy street. We urged her to get the surgery as soon as possible, however there were not enough practitioners in Winnipeg and appointments were granted to the "worst first." The quality of her life deteriorated and even after surgery, she did not fully return.

Not long ago I found a paper I wrote with a friend while we were at the University of Manitoba. I was taking every undergraduate class in anthropology in order that I could enter graduate school the following term. I already had a BA in economics and had only taken one general anthro course. My friend, Nelson Jones, was finishing his undergraduate degree in architecture and this was a project for one his classes. In any case, it presaged many of the changes I later experienced.

Sharing the common ecstasy must go further than sharing emotional time with fellow men, for ecstasy requires the deep appreciation of man and his relation to the planet upon which he lives. This is awareness of a fuller extent: Once man is able to share, once each individual is fully able to relate to another human being, it will become absolutely apparent that man is also in a symbiotic relationship with his environment - that man is and can only be a part of all he is able to perceive. Godness is extended to all that is, to all which man is a part. This is absolutely a defiant understanding of man, for through the traditions of Western, North American society, man understands himself as dominant, as being able to take from the earth as he wishes, the more the better. Breed as much as he wishes, the more the better. Consume whatever he wishes, the more the better. The living planet is in agony and its agony is felt by man in terms of starvation, over population, destroyed natural resources, pollution, and the other harsh cruelties which man bestows on this planet, on himself.

I share this because it is so collegiate - wordy, excited, and meaningful. There's a joyousness in the premise that human relationship can be inspirational leading to the experience of a greater relationship to the entire planet. This human expansionism is an essential theme of Thaddeus Golas' The Lazy Man's Guide to Enlightenment (1983).
(Check out this slim volume - it's a great introduction the expansion of consciousness that many sought and still seek with drugs.)

How many students have walked through that door connecting with another? How many have experienced the ecstasy of knowing another - of discovering a friend - a twin, and not just focusing on each other, like staring into a mirror, have expanded into an awareness of the connection of all things. How many have gone deeply into appreciating the essence of experience and realized this joyous connection with the planet? And how many, then, walked back into ordinary life without acting on the knowledge gained from such an intense experience? Well, I am one. I don't know about Nels: I lost contact with him years ago. But the connection to life on the planet re-awoke a few years later and I became vegetarian.

I am now vegan - that is, I eat no animal products at all. Consuming animal products extends the suffering Nels and I wrote about. The planet suffers, too, from improperly growing and handling plants - in particular the "processing" of plant foods. Here, we prefer whole foods. Prepared foods (such as soy protein isolates or cakes like Twinkies) are usually are not whole foods. Lentils, almonds, avocados, sunflower and flax seeds are. Processed foods require substantial energy inputs and the output is never as nutritious.

It took me years to live this part of this philosophy.

So this entry is about remembering! Remember those intense discussions, what we called "BS-ing" or "BS" sessions. Remember the discovery that you were connected to another person - that there was a resonance and a joy in that recognition. (Often this happens with friends, not girl friends or boy friends, because that gets complicated.) Remember that exploration of ideas and feelings and remember those occasions that you were more inclusive - expanded beyond just your fellow explorer and the room - and in touch with the planet, and beyond, to the cosmos.

These remembrances might be life changing!

Joan and I have been innkeeping for 34 years. The average length of time in this business for "owner-innkeepers" used to be 7 years and we are certain that we have raised that average.

We remain innkeepers because we are essentially educators - in the truest sense of the word. The word educate is related to educere in Latin - "to lead out" or to "evoke." We are evokers - at least Joan is - I might be more a provoker.

The inn is our "campus" and every guest room, common rooms, the gardens, and the river are classrooms. Text books are our newsletter and the books that we offer for sale or inspiration (usually inspiring guests to order from Barnes and Noble, Borders, Amazon or, better, their local bookstore).

We would have left innkeeping years ago if it were not for our passion to show that it is easy, practical and delightful - even revelatory - to live sustainably. However we did not get into the sustainable movement: It found us. We pursued "sustainable" practices before anyone applied the word to what we do. We only wanted to live harmoniously and to create a life based on the premise "Do no harm" or practically, "Do the least harm." We started organic gardening because it is productive, healthy and less harmful than conventional. We recycled because we hate waste. We composted all organic matter - garden and food wastes. We separated California Redemption bottles from other glass and plastic bottles; we divided paper into newspaper, cardboard, and office paper. At first we hauled all of this to a recycling center and when Waste Management offered to pick up recycling, we said, "Sure!" After a while, we noticed that the driver was emptying the containers into a single bin on his truck. We asked why, "We've gone to single stream recycling." Apparently Waste Management caved to Northern California's laziness; too many people were unwilling to separate their waste. Now we single-stream and believe that we need to ask more of our neighbors so that we can return to multi-stream recycling. We store our old electronic gear - computers, cell phones, printers, monitors, etc., because we can't be assured that this equipment won't end-up poisoning children in India or China.

In other words, we think about what we do and we ask that our staff thinks about what they do for us. We anticipate that our inn guests, diners, paddlers, and bicyclers might pick up on the attention we give to the details of living in and operating a rural resort set in a garden. We don't know if we are particularly successful but we have touched a few guests, some of our staff and some members of our small community. We could do this no other way.

Yesterday, November 17th, a friend as well as a former employee called from across the continent. We talked for quite a while. During the conversation, he mentioned that he believed that I hadn't been happy with him when he last lived and worked here because he wasn't vegan. He told me that it takes some time to "digest" the information regarding the health effects of a vegan diet vis-à-vis the animal based American diet. He said that I had time to understand all of this but he hadn't had enough time.

He was wrong. First, I wasn't disappointed that he had not become vegan. I knew that he didn't understand. Second I hadn't become vegan for physical health at all.

I told him that it was a simple change: Twenty-four years ago, I injured myself and couldn't work for a couple of weeks and something - maybe a show on TV or a book - caused me to realize I could not kill an animal for food, yet I ate meat. "Aha," I suddenly knew that I was a hypocrite: Essentially I "asked" others to kill for me. This realization meant I was vegetarian and done with meat. I told him, that I grabbed this opportunity to reduce my hypocritical burden.

While we talked a 15 year old Bronx Latin student was shot in the back of the head down the street from the school. Our daughter, Kate, called to tell us, crying. The girl who was shot, Vada Vasquez was Kate's student when Kate was with Teach for America. A vibrant, talented musician and student, Vada is presently in an induced coma and not breathing on her own.

Vada Vasquez was shot by a 16 year-old boy when he fired a salvo of bullets at a 19 year old. Up to that time he had a "clean" record. His cohorts did not.

Of course, we didn't know this when we talked. But Vada's shooting reminded me how much we need to reduce violence in our lives - from the violence on the streets erupting from poverty to the violence which brings food to our table. We need to do this with love - as nurturers, helping to nurture one another, the animals who are in this world with us and the very planet itself.

I am unable to finish this post on an upbeat note. For too long we have tolerated violence. Perhaps our unwillingness to confront violence and the problems which underlie it comes from our failure to acknowledge the violence that feeds us - our treatment of all but a few dogs, cats and horses. Where is our outrage?! We have become inured to it and that is wrong.